maafkanku wahai suami.

baca artikel ini.

insaf.

hahah.

facebook.

"She hates me because I don't own a FB account".

"Yeah, she's weird".

"I'm not. I just don't like gossips. You have an account because you want to know about others".

"It's them who make it public; telling the world this and that, showing off".

"And you have the choice whether to read it or not. I choose not to".

aku tak suka bergossip.

aku suka dengar je.

kalau ada, ada.

kalau takda, tak apa.

sikit pun tak heran.

aku boleh je access FB my other half.

but all i did was reading the newsfeed and the MA group.

nothing else.

and that's even rare.

kadang aku ada satu perasaan; biar my other half tak add any of my TESL friends.

in fact, they were never friends to begin with.

and i'm training myself not to fall into minding others' business.

well, i'm just a human.

marriage and emotion.

a conversation with a close friend (close, but not the best hahaha), and a newly known classmate. the classmate is a guy, iranian but has been living in usa for quite some time; claims that he is neither american nor iranian. he doesn't belong to any. she said cool, i said pathetic hahaha. 

i was only interested in research matters, so basically i was just listening and thinking. i kept quiet a lot, and only interfered when necessary. i'm just like that. i don't easily open up to newly known people. i like to think that i'm mysterious hahahaha.

one of the issues debated was about how unfaithful iranian women are. he had this idea that even malaysian women are as unfaithful as iranian women; to which my close friend denied by giving few examples, in which that guy and me thought they were invalid because all the examples were old ladies hahaha. wanita melayu lama sangat setia, okay. very few cases pun yang cheated or at least, yang kita tahu dan dengar la.

i stood with my opinion that malay women love easy money. in fact, all women are becoming like that now. so sickening hahahha. so good opportunities (of having a stable partner) should not be missed. 

but that's not the point. what triggered me to write here is her statement when that guy dropped the bomb saying that her husband might have affairs since he travels a lot (he's a pilot). 

Her: Noooo i know he's not. He's as faithful as I am.

That guy: How would you know that? He's travelling and he's a man.

Her: Don't you ever put that thought in my mind. I won't allow you to do that.

Me: Yuppp, please don't. I can't bear the consequences. She'll let everything go at me. No, no.

Her: Hey, bila last time aku buat kau macam tu? Bila? [terus emosi hahah].

Me: What I'm saying is I couldn't stand you crying and be sad. I'll be mad, okay.

Her: Bila? Bila aku macam tu? Tu cita lama okay [emosi lagi]. 

That guy: Woo wooo what are you guys talking about?

Her: She said I was being emotional to her. Well, I'm no longer emotional. I'm married now so my emotions are balanced.

Me: You think? ha-haha. Yeah, she's much better when once she got married.

Her: I know my husband he wouldn't do that. I know he is faithful.

Me: Nobody is talking about your husband now. 
Her: Whatever~

Hahaha. point dia aku nak cerita, yang tak kisahla lelaki ke perempuan ke malaysian ke iranian ke apa pun la; kalau nak curang tu curang jela wehhhh.

and the moment when you keep on chanting that your spouse is not cheating, you are actually convincing yourself more than other people.

anddddddd, emotions don't vanish just like that; married or not. it's just not there because you've dealt with it.

and you just don't care.

don't give a damn anymore.
confront, say it out loud once and for all.

and move one.

tanya sama hati.

kita gurau ke, tak gurau ke, dah hati nak terasa tak boleh nak kata apalah.
i couldn't simply justify my action, saying that it was merely a joke.
to some, it may not be funny at all.

it's also a little reminder to myself to watch over what i say.
i can ask for forgiveness, and people can forgive.
but they will never forget.

even if it means nothing bad.
even if i didn't mean to hurt.
but at the wrong time, wrong place - it could turn out differently.

this is just a little reminder to myself.

jangan buat sampai orang terasa dia tersua-sua.
semacam bertepuk dengan angin.
sepi tanpa balasan.
kita rasa itu tak apa, tapi public judgement can be different.

kita ingat, kita bergurau.
kita melawak.
no harm at all.
tapi lain padang lain belalang.
lain orang lain cara fikirnya.

in the end, kita lukakan hati dia tanpa sengaja.
benda yang konon nak melawak je, dah tak selawak mana pun.
menyusahkan lagi ada.

and again, this is just a little reminder for myself.

perempuan ke.
lelaki ke.
kita sama.
punya hati dan rasa.
jantina apa pun dia, pasti boleh terasa.

it may have nothing to do with me; i am very observant in nature.
i see, i hear, i learn.
and i write it here.

so that i will be reminded; never treat people the way i hate to be treated.

i am forgetful, but ada benda kita takkan boleh lupa.
sampai bila-bila.

menyuburkan cinta.

ecewah tajuk entri geli hahahaha. i read an article which i think would be helpful for me and my future spouse. hik hik gelak gatai.

can refer here: Love and Relationship.

jom cuci mata tengok cincin. cuci mata je okay. saje je.

tetapkan iman.

aku mohon ditetapkan iman.

moga yang termaktub dapat aku laksanakan.

hoihhh jauhkanlah godaan tak berpekdah ni wehhh hahah.